From the beginning

I am getting married in exactly 4 months 22 days, I will be 26 years, 8 months and 23 days old when I get married. right now I am bag of emotions.

So this marriage jitters started to get on to me, first of all I am not the most responsible in the world. I cant even take care of an ant, now I will be responsible for a full grown man. My stomach does a nervous flip every time I think of that.

It wont be so bad I tell myself, I have known him exactly for 9 years now. But being in a distant relationship for so long makes me me shudder at the idea of living with him. What if everything goes horribly wrong or not. I really don’t know, he is a misogynist in some ways and liberal in others. So one moment I feel like I am doing a horrible mistake and the next moment I feel like this is meant to happen. I see other happy relationships and wonder how people does it really, I know a relationship takes a lot of hard work and sacrifices and negotiations, but how will i know how much is enough and where we are crossing the line its all so confusing 😦

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Laundry Lows :(

I hate doing laundry, well may be not hate it but I am very very very lazy when it comes to washing dirty clothes.

I have procrastinated this to the point that if I do not wash at least a pair tonight I have nothing to wear tomorrow.

That gives a solid reason to bunk office and spend the day in PJ’s πŸ™‚ and er.. may be also wash a pair or two.

Working Late :(

My work sucks, I know 98% of the working people feels the same, but mine really reaaaallly sucks! the extra aaa’s and ll’s does not reflect the extent of my dissatisfaction but filling up the entire post with aaa’s and ll’s does not makes sense either does it?

Anyways I hate working here, or wait I do not hate working here. I love this place, the colleagues, the coffee time gossips, the endless time on the g talk. I just hate my “lizard head manager” (again RV complains that I keep inventing my own phrases, but then they just come out with the flow, I cannot help it). This guy is erratic, stupid, egomaniac, arrogant, unprincipled, untrustworthy!!! The very fact that he is forcing to turn my happy blogging space to a hate venting space is the proof that how negative his influence is on me. So why I am whining about this is, My “lizard head manager” has asked us to put in extra hours to work to increase productivity or some crap like that. So everyday I work from 8.30 AM to almost 9.30 PM. Not Cool!!!

To add to the chaos there is family wedding, my cousin is getting married this weekend. The whole of extended family is here and I am missing out on all the fun things like shopping, sangeet practice, cooking and eating together. Plus huge guilt that I am not able to help out enough at home and Mom and aunt are handling everything alone 😦

I hope once June is over things will get back to normal.

 

Being “Chatter Box” – End of Writers Block

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I have always so much to write/talk about. RV calls me a “chatter box”,I think I am one. But what I cannot do is put my thoughts/words into look, think of fancy titles and generally put some sense in what I am rambling about. Many a times I have not written on this blog just because i cannot think of suitable title.

But I think from now on I will not give a F about the titles and ramble away merrily. I need to write to keep my sanity in check, not that I am very sane now. but if i don’t pour out the stuff in my head I am pretty sure I will do something to mess up things royally.

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I wanted to be socially responsible writer write about things like world hunger, gender equality or things like that. But I should come in terms with the fact that I am neither intelligent nor responsible! May be the day will come when I would raise out of my shallowness.. but that day is not today.

A Heart to Heart*

I am at a very pleasant phase in life. I am loving my financial independence, I am loving my emotional dependencies too πŸ™‚ All the fairies out there please bless me to be this happy like forever. Muah.

There is so much that has happened in the past couple of months and so much that will happen in the next couple of months. Before all the happy memories fade let me record it here. I am not sure if I should sort my emotions in bullet points but what the heck my blog my rules πŸ™‚ Bullet points make life so easier like it did back in our exam days if you remember!!!!

  • A Happy Happy Relationship – Like I have told before I have a very small social circle and I never ever let go of people. I will never be the one to end any relationship, so I kinda always live in the insecurity of loosing someone. But I have found my fail-proof relationship where I am pretty sure nothing will go wrong
  • War Machine – “Four wheelers move the body, Two wheelers move the soul” I took my soul out for pretty long drive recently πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
  • Rum and Biryani – I feel like a dude typing this out, but trust me nothing comes close to the heavenly pleasure of eating a delicious biryani after gulping down the few pegs of Rum
  • Bangalore Rains – rekindled love
  • Tamizh – new found love

When I read what I have written above I feel like an eighteen year old, I cannot help it I am just dizzy with Happiness.

I feel like I was robbed of my innocence very early in life, the insecurities I went through as a child made me close myself to almost everyone parents, friends, Appu and even M. I had developed this stupid sense of responsibility which was not necessary for a 10 year old, I don’t know if I should attribute it to the small town upbringing or the just the way I was exposed to some not pleasant things then. I am not trying to paint a sorry picture of my childhood just the facts as it happened.

My idea of relationship with the opposite sex kept evolving since I was 12 years old, at 12 I wanted a devoted husband someone strong and caring and a provider of the family “a giver” as John Gray categorizes. at 16 I wanted the most handsome guy in the college as my boyfriend, just a secret fantasy I never really approached anyone though. at 18 I just wanted a boyfriend and I got one too. And I did all the mushy things with him, we texted each other all day all night, wrote love letters, kept names for future children, fought, got back together, got serious and we will also get married in few months. But I could never tell him about my past. May be I will never tell him either.

But to have found a Man to pour my heart out to, no filtering of thoughts or emotions, just plain thoughtless blabber is Bliss!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Breakthroughs

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I hate writing about the negative things in my life on this blog, but I have realized lately without all those negative experiences I would not have been same person that I am today. It is only fair to be fair to the facts that has mould me into the person that I am today. If was not for the extreme negativity that was once a part of my life, I would not have looked for a escape or a breakthrough. A breakthrough that came very easily my way, for which I am very grateful for.

If not for the negative relationships I would have never appreciated the positive ones as I do today.

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Last week was one such happy breakthrough, a bad fight, stupid misunderstanding led to a heated confrontation and brought down more walls than before.