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Hospitals make me laugh.

In the last 4 years I have spent at least 1/4th of my time in hospitals. It started when grandpa fell down due to his BP shot up and resulted in heavy internal bleeding in the brain and a hemorrhage in 2010. He was in hospital for 60 days and at home for 7 days and then left us. At that time I had just finished my graduation and was at home looking for a Job. My brother (first cousin) had just moved to Hyderabad for his studies so it was only me and my aunt who had to take care of grandpa.

The first few weeks grandpa was in ICU so not much a care taker had to do, other than waiting anxiously at the ICU waiting lounge. I used to be at hospital at day time, aunt used to be at night. So every day morning 7.00 AM to 9.00 PM I used to wait at the ICU waiting lounge. It is not a good place to be at, day and night you see deaths. You make friends with fellow people waiting with you for their loved ones.  At that time I was close to one particular lady, her husband was in the ICU due to a kidney ailment. We were waiting together for 15 days. One night I told her bye and that I will see her in the morning. But the next day she wasn’t there, her husband had died the previous night. It was so hurtful even though I had not seen the man himself. I wish I was there at the time. There was nothing I could do, but I just wanted to be there for, hold her when she got the news.

I don’t how or why, I am strangely wise and strong at difficult times. Or I don’t know if I have an inability to emote or show my real grief. I will not breakdown, cry at times like this. I will only think about the course of action at the moment. This is behavior is very useful most of the times. When Grandpa was hospitalized for the first time, I did not shed a single tear instead I was seen running up and down the hospital stairs filling forms, talking to doctors, getting the tests done, signing NOC’s, while the other members of the family took their time coping with shock and crying it out. Its not that I don cry at all, small things like missing my fav show, no call from appu, no text from my BFF, things not turning out like the way I like makes me bawl like a toddler.  But at times of real emergencies, deaths, ailments I am composed and wise. I dont know where this post is heading let me get back to the topic. Grandpa never came out of the coma. After 60 days there was nothing much doctors could do. All grandpa was needed was basic life support and nursing care which we could provide at home. Bringing grandpa home was another huge and not so pleasant experience. Grandpa left us all after 7 days at home. I will write a separate post on it. So I was at the hospital for two months.

Just a month after grandpa’s demise, Appu’s dad was hospitalized for his heart disease and he had to undergo angioplasty. I was again at the hospital for two weeks with Appu.

Then I got a job, life became busy thankfully visits to hospitals reduced and but then came the biggest shock of my life. I have told you earlier I don’t have a big social circle. My social circle is only 1 person my BFF, M. M was my classmate in engineering we just gelled from the first day I met her and are together even to this day. M and I are inseparable souls, in 2011 M was diagnosed with rare kidney condition reterocaval ureter  and had undergo a major surgery. Again few weeks in hospital.

The same year Mom got hospitalized for a urinary tract infection, brother got hospitalized for viral fever, 2 cousins were hospitalized for dengue fever at different times.

In 2012 everyone were falling sick, Mom, BFF, brother, I myself was hospitalized once.

2013 was worse, In april Appu got his fingers crushed while playing tug of war!!! Stupid guy wrapped the rope around his fingers so when the opponent team pulled the rope, his fingers were crushed,  the bones turned to powder, so he had to undergo surgery and they had inserted metal rods into his fingers and they were poking out. Even with all that pain he was trying to cheer me up telling “Look chinnu, you have your own wolverine!!!”. Again in  BFF’s health was deteriorating, She was hospitalized every other month. Aunt got hospitalized two times. Brother was hospitalized for dengue. I was hospitalized two times. I was diagnosed with thyroid and I am still 24. M’s sister’s pregnancy.

So when I tell in past 4 years I spent 1/4th of my life in Hospitals I’m not exaggerating. Yesterday I was to accompany M to her visit to urologist. This is the same hospital where grandpa was admitted the first time. I went there after 3 years, every thing about that place made me uneasy, it brought back unpleasant memories. I was there for whole of two hours. And the whole time I was cracking stupid jokes and making M laugh. But the whole time I was disturbed. The more it disturbed the more funny I became. I turned everything and everyone into a joke, the corridors, the stairs, the pungent smell of medicine, the receptionists, the doctor, other patients, we laughed on everything. Such laughter only comes when you are insanely high on alcohol, but I was not. It was weird how one emotion inside was reflecting a different emotion outside. All I was feeling was intense pain with the memories, with M’s almost incurable ailment, with my own helplessness. But all I did was laugh.

Like I said, Hospitals make me laugh!!!

Does this happen to you?

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